Something Special in The Air

My Breasts can be used as Floatation Devices
Originally uploaded by EdnPHX.

Ah yes, the joys of travel. As some of you may know, I have been traveling a lot for work. My work tends to take me all over the Western US to wonderful destinations like San Francisco, San Diego, and Colorado Springs. But next week is going to be one hell of a travel week. Looks like I get to go to the cultural megalopolis of Des Moines, Iowa; the epicenter of civilization known as Springfield, Illinois; and then it’s off to SF for the weekend and early parts of the following week. (Yes, I’ll be a little jet lagged considering I have to do all of this travel in 5 days.) I found this picture from Hooters Air…how fun would it be to fly THAT airline? Big Bouncing Boobs in a Boeing. You have to admit…it would be cool…just to say you flew on “Hooters”. Sorta like going to a topless show in Vegas….could care less about the boobies…but the costumes were FABULOUS. www.hootersair.com

But yet, I love what I do. Working in Human Resources is just too much fun not to like it. I like to call HR people the “flight attendants of business”. I would guesstimate that over half of all men working in Human Resources are gay. How do I know? Well, just go to a Society of Human Resources Management convention, and there’s more drama thrown around the room than Joan Crawford with a wire hanger. Just serve liquor, put up a disco ball, play the latest Cher track and you’ve got a Pride festival. Those queens (I’m not really queeny…well….maybe after 4 appletinis…) just flock to the HR departments of most major corporations. It’s quite an observation if you ask me. Think about it…..you ALWAYS know who the new hires are, get to see the HOT guys that may be interviewing, and know ALL the dirt going on in the company. Call me crazy…but it’s the truth.

Although I love my job, traveling can be quite a chore. But I have traveled enough to give everyone some simple advice on traveling the “Not-So Friendly” skies. Some tips:

1. Buy an iPod. I have this magnet for “talkers” sitting next to me. There’s nothing more annoying than having Martha from Minny sitting next to you giving you her life history about her divorce, job, plastic surgery, or out of body experience with Shirley McClain. Simple “uh huh” with a slip of the headset takes care of that problem right away.

2. Get to the airport early. Nothing is more annoying than rushing to get on the plane at the last minute. You’ll never see more dirty looks from passengers that holding up the plane from taking off on time. Flight attendant’s really hate this as well. I think they pee in your drink if you do this.

3. A fold-over suit bag with everything stuffed in it…WILL NOT fit in the overhead bin. Seeing these businessmen try to stuff these bags overhead is like watching a 3 year old put a square block in a round hole…it just doesn’t work. Check it. Plain and simple. Watching these people is quite entertaining. When they are told they have to check their bag, it’s like watching a small child leave the clutches of their mother’s arms on the first day of school.

4. Don’t kill the gate agent for weather related delays. I’ve seen these poor people get torn down by total idiots who demand that they get on another flight when the wrath of god is playing outside in thunderstorms. My thought is this: Let them. Just put them all on a plane and let it take off. Cause when the plane gets struck by lightning and goes down in a fiery ball of flames…I’ll feel better knowing that their needs were met.

5. And finally, smile and be nice. It goes a long way with the flight crew…and if you’re lucky you’ll get a free drink…..or a hand job. Hey…being in the mile high club DOES have its privileges…..