Behind the 8 Ball

Oh, wise one...
Originally uploaded by EdnPHX.

It’s funny, as crazy as the world can get, I sometimes take a minute to think about what has transpired over the past couple years. I usually get really frustrated and then I try to center my thoughts on the future and what could be. I don’t necessarily believe in luck, although a huge win on the powerball would have been nice. Instead I find my self being very futuristic and asking myself questions. As crazy as this sounds, I find a lot of humor and solace in the Magic Eight Ball. Yes, you read correctly, the Magic Eight Ball. Now, before you go and start thinking I’m a total looney, you need to understand that since I’m not an oracle, or don’t really care to spend the $9.00 a minute charge for the Psychic Friends Network, or really care for a book on palm reading,…… a Magic Eight Ball is just as good as anything else. I’ve tried the fortune cookie thing, but I can only eat Chinese every so often, and well…..who has a bunch of fortune cookies sitting around? And you can just forget Horoscopes…..they are so “all over the place”. You figure they would all be the same…they all come from the stars don’t they? Eh, it’s all up for interpretation. I mean, you’ve got Horoscopes, HOMOscopes, Love-o-scopes, Career-o-scopes, hell you even got WHORE-o-scopes (and if you’re reading those kinda horoscopes…well…..you’re calling ME the looney one?) Anyway, the Magic Eight Ball is pretty darn good….nothing can be left to interpretation. And well, if it doesn’t know….it just says “Ask Again Later.” Pretty honest little ball if you ask me. So here’s a number of questions I asked it tonight and the answers that floated to the top……

“Is my hair brown?” A: YES, DEFINITELY. (Thank god, cause I am totally growing in the salt and pepper thing….so M8 gets kudos for making me feel better! I knew it wouldn’t let me down!)

“Will 2006 be a great year?” A: MY SOURCES SAY NO. (Well, THAT sucks. Who are these damn sources anyway? (silence) MMmmm Hmmm, that’s what I thought!)

“Will I meet any datable guys soon? You know, the ones without fatal flaws and shit?” A: WITHOUT A DOUBT. (Hooray!!!! There’s hope! That’s my ball! Keep up the good work!)

“What about a big raise and bonus from work? “ A: IT IS CERTAIN. (Fuck yea! I smell a far away vacation! A shopping spree maybe? It’s ALL good to me!)

“Will I have sex in the next 2 weeks?” A: YOU MAY RELY ON IT. (Well, goddamn. Right on!)

“Will that sex be HOT sex….not that boring bad stuff…you know what I am talking about.” A: ASK AGAIN LATER. (Ooooo, I don’t like the sound of that….NOT AT ALL.)

“Will Travis hook up with one of the 3 hotties in his gym?” A: MY SOURCES SAY NO. (Sorry Trav…..I tried.)

“Aside from sex, will I ever fall in love again?” A: OUTLOOK NOT SO GOOD. (Must be talking to those “sources” again. I think you need new sources…cause they ain’t very positive…..)

“Will I get those Big Arms I want for Christmas?” A: MY SOURCES SAY NO. (Well, FUCK those sources…I’ll show them…..what do you have to say about that!!? HUH!!??)

“Sigh…ok…Will American Idol be worth watching this season?” A: MY SOURCES SAY NO. (OK…we're done here.)

Needless to say, Mr. Magic Eight Ball, is not in a very good mood tonight…but maybe a week in the desk drawer will change his mind.