My Life, My Documentary.

IKEA, The Pseudo Gay Bar
Originally uploaded by EdnPHX.

“And…..ACTION!” My life this weekend was sorta one of those whirlwind weekends that could have been filmed as a documentary. You know…shaky camera angles, a voice over narrative, and people just being people? Well, this weekend was filled with lots of fun and a little bit of drama here and there. I often wonder if I ever did a documentary, would people actually watch it? Is my life that interesting (or boring) that people would find entertaining? I mean, let’s face it, documentaries are pretty darn cool......especially if you have some vested interest in the subject matter. And even more so if it’s got some plot to it…drama….sex…..nudity….hell, even some porn stars would be quite cool. Of course…now that I think about it, that would actually BE a porn. Eh, that’s cool too. But for the sake of blogdom, we’ll stick to the cockumentary…oh wait…I mean documentary. So I guess I’ll start my weekend recap documentary with a recap of the events that I like to call: “Bars, Booze, Boots and Boys at IKEA”.

Have you ever been to IKEA? I have, and well….if your gay…you probably have been too. I often wonder why the place just doesn’t put up a bar, string up a disco ball, and invite Hex Hector to spin right next to the PLYTIK Dishware or LAHOLM sofas. I love going to IKEA for the mere fact that it’s such a hodgepodge of society. You’ve got heteros, homos, metros, mexicos, African americos, lesbos, and even a hobo or two. All shopping in perfect harmony under the IKEA signage telling them what to buy and how to place it perfectly in your home. It’s amazing what clean design, functional furnishings, and Swedish meatballs can do….life is perfectly harmonious…all is right…god is upon us and he gives us good gifts of HENSVIK bookcases and KARLSLUND loungers. Unfortunately, when you get outside to the parking lot, it’s a fucking free-for-all get the hell out of my way, “That’s MY god dammed parking spot, you stupid whore!” reality, we’re all forced to face. Then you get the shit home and it NEVER looks as good as it did in the store. And let’s not forget the hex wrench. BUT, it’s all worth it because you bought it at trendy IKEA. And if it’s from IKEA, it’s fabulous…..or at least that’s what Madison Avenue is telling me. Newsweek did a great article last week on how IKEA has become a cult….much like Apple, but on a global scale. Anyway, so I was there yesterday and bought hangers (HANGSHIRTO), towels (DRYURDUPAS), and paper napkins (MESSYFASE). I know, how domestic of me.

Last night went to the M.E.A.T. Military Party. Don’t ask me what the M.E.A.T. stands for, I’m sure it’s something sexual….(well duh)…but I never thought to ask. I’m sure a billion other guys will be blogging the party as well…maybe even some pics will come out of it. So here’s the deal, you had to dress up in military garb to get in, let alone score an invite. I was lucky to have a friend who offered to give me an invite. The invites were these nifty “dog tags”. I don’t really know why you even needed an invite. They didn’t really check to see if I had an invite, they sorta just waved me into the door of the house. Eh, who knows…I thought I looked pretty hot in my camo pants, polished army boots (pants tucked in) and green army tee. Anyway, I brought along Travis, who looked good as well. (If only his gym hotties could of seen him….) It was a pretty sizable party; I’d say a couple hundred guys or so. Some dressed as I, some who went in full marine blues. (Which I have to admit was hot…very hot). There was the usual bar crowd people, online people, the rowdy sports club people, some ACTUAL military guys, local gay politicians, and even a girl or two (as scary as THAT sounds). To this day, I still think it would be a great idea to have party where everyone wore their screen name on a nametag. It would be SOOO much easier that way! Back to the party…… It was the pooh-pooh platter of the gay community in PHX. Needless to say after my 3rd Bacardi and diet, I had to “pee like a race horse”. Well, that’s when the party started to annoy me. You figure with 4 bathrooms you’d be able to get in and out with no problem. Not the case. And well, you know…when YA GOTTA GO, YOU GOTTA GO. So I waited in line (no kidding) for 25 minutes. When I finally finished, I dreaded…no, FEARED…waiting in that line again. So I decided to get one last drink, and then hit the road. Before I left, I met the most amazing guy!!! (Well, actually that is a lie…..but wouldn’t it of been cool if that DID happen?) Actually, I just went home, had a protein shake and went to bed. But, I did have fun. Which is the reason I wanted to go anyway. And to get some face time in the crowd. Who knows, maybe one of these days I’ll be approached by a nice, sane, hunky, masculine guy who will ask: “Hey didn’t I see you at the military party?” And I’ll reply: “YES, SIR!”

So the weekend ended up with me going to Scottsdale mall to buy some clothes and skin products to shake off a little depression I’ve been fighting. Nothing big, but just have had a lot of time to think about some things. I recently gave some advice to a friend that’s been making me think. There’s a saying” “It’s not the situation, but how you respond to the situation.” I guess I’m thinking about some of the situations I’m in lately and looking at those situations. Eh, in time….nothing earth shattering, but I do believe I need to wrap some things up personally. I guess I need to start looking at situations realistically. I tend to read into things too much…and well, I need to start having fun again. Especially since we’re getting around the holidays. This will be my first holiday season being single in over 6 years. Actually 7 years if I count my ex before my ex. So, I’m not really excited about the whole holiday thing. Yea, it’s getting me down a bit, but I believe in keeping myself occupied. You know the more I think about it…I should be blaming Wal-Mart. Well, they are the ones putting Christmas shit out even before Halloween! Yup, there it is…..Wal-Mart! DAMN THEM!!!! Gosh, doesn’t it feel good when you can blame Wal-Mart? Anyway, I’ll conclude my post…err…documentary with a quick music update.

Alanis Morissette: Crazy (James Michaels Mix). Alanis remade my favorite tune by Seal. I came out when this song was released back in the early 90s. So it’s sorta my “coming of age” song. She does a great job remaking it. It’s got a more modern feel and well, Alanis’s voice fits perfect. Sorta reminds me of how I feel now…………..