Push My Buttons.

The seductive Easy Button.
Originally uploaded by EdnPHX.

It’s been a crazy and rough past couple of weeks. Although most of the stuff has been good news it’s still quite a stressful time in my life. Lots of change and unexpected crap that just pops up. So, to my delight I found my solution to the trials of life by watching a Staples commercial. Yes, a Staples commercial. Their new ad campaign centers on a device called the Easy Button.

Whether you’ve seen it or not, the idea is quite simple. The device is a big red plastic button with the word “Easy” on it. It can be placed almost anywhere, on a desk, on a table, on a car dashboard….it can be picked up, it can be put down. You could even glue it to your forehead if you really wanted to stand out. But what makes this device so magical is the powers that it commands. When things get tough, press the easy button.

So I was excited to see that Staples has actually mass-produced the Easy Button for purchase at their stores. I, of course, bought one and brought it back to the office to see if it really worked. I put it right next to my phone, as that is where the bulk of my work stress comes from. As I looked at the big red button, I thought of all the use this darn thing would get:

Complicated employee relations issues? Click.
Sexual Harassment suits? Click.
High Prices at the gas pump? Click.
Stress with the new house? Click.
Bad Women Drivers? Click.
The idiot at Starbucks who can’t make up their mind in front of me in line? Click.
The Iran nuclear Program? Click.
Doing my taxes? Click.
Al Qeada? Click.
Painting the House? Click.
The 2008 Presidential election? Click. Click. Click.

The possibilities are just endless. But as the work stress came rolling in, and I pressing the Easy Button, nothing really happened. To my dismay this big red button was nothing more that a Madison Avenue ploy to purchase a piece of plastic made in China for $4.99. Big bummer. My dreams of “Gosh, it’s so hard to get my favorite porn stars to come over. Click.” are now gone. (Really big bummer.) Now, the Easy Button sits next to the company logo stress ball and the penholder with pens I never use. The magic was gone, then enchantment faded, and the word “Easy” really meant “Dreaming”.

So, then I though what mythical “other” buttons would be fun to have (and work of course.) So here’s a couple other “Buttons” that would be fun to have.

SLEAZY. (For those really prude people)
MUTE. (For those people you just want to shut up.)
LIFE. (For people who need to get one.)
PRETTY. (When you want to “pretty up” things, places or even people)
AA. (For the drunk people at bars.)
CLOTHES OFF. (For those times when you just wish the other person would.)
CALGON (When you just wish Calgon would just take you awaaaaaaaaay.)
MONEY. (Got to have this one.)

Again, the list can go on forever. But it’s nice to dream, isn’t it?