Seminars and Spas

Lowes Santa Monica Beach Hotel
Originally uploaded by EdnPHX.

I’m currently in Los Angeles, Santa Monica specifically, for a professional development seminar. I was really excited to go, as I haven’t actually been to a “training” seminar for myself in a long time. I seem to be always teaching the seminars as opposed to actually going to them. The premise of the seminar was to develop my “Influencing and Leadership” skills professionally and personally. It looked like a really fun and interesting seminar. Additionally, it was a “privilege” to take as you had to be nominated by your manager and have thirteen thousand levels of approvals to go. I was, of course, one of the lucky ones to be nominated and got all the necessary nods from the powers that be. The course was to be held at the fabulous Lowes Santa Monica Beach Hotel right on the ocean next to the Santa Monica Pier. (An exceptionally wonderful location). I think I was more excited at the location of the seminar than the actual seminar itself. I should have listened to my gut, as that’s exactly how it turned out.

You see, the bad part about working in Human Resources is the fact that you have exposure to almost all of the training that an organization has. And although that may sound great and all, it really can work against you when you need to sharpen your own skills. To this point, this seminar is nothing but rehash of stuff I currently teach. Yes, I was being taught stuff that I already knew and nothing was enlightening or “new” for me. In fact, I caught myself lip synching with the instructor a couple of times. (I’m sure she thought I was mocking her or playing some silly game with her. Not to mention she improperly went out of order teaching the training sequence…but who am I to judge?) So, as you can guess I am pretty disappointed in the overall course as it was nothing I did not already know. My skills in “Influencing and Leadership” were not sharpened. But, what I did enjoy was this fabulous hotel.

Yes, the hotel. I have to admit, this hotel is almost on par with the W Hotel. When I arrived I decided to take full advantage of the Spa. They have a great spa here called the Ocean Spa & Fitness Center. Very nice facility. I immediately booked myself a 50 minute deep tissue massage and a 50 minute men’s facial. As I booked I did my normal request of “Can I have a male massotherapist?” Now, normally, this request can be met very easily, but when you book literally 10 minutes before the service, it’s not always going to happen. Unfortunately, they did not have a male working at the moment. (A huge difference between this hotel and the W Hotel…as the W Hotel KNOWS their client base…wink wink.). So I had a wonderful massage with a small Mexican lady with the massage force of a steam roller. I had no idea a little woman could have so much force. She worked me over like a big piece of meat….and it felt pretty good. Especially when she hit the glutes.

Now, when you get a massage, one never knows if the massage guy (or girl) will hit the big old butt with a good deep tissue massage. If you haven’t had it done before, I highly suggest it. Now, it’s not sexual or anything, but it honestly makes for a really relaxing massage. This Mexican lady shoved her elbow on my butt (as opposed to “in”, you perverts) like nobody’s business. I never knew I had that many knots in my glutes. YIKES! Needless to say my ass felt awesome. (Insert witty pun here.)

As for my facial, who knew one could devote 50 minutes worth of time steaming, buffing, massaging, scrubbing, extracting (ouch), mudding, buffing, rubbing, applying, mudding and steaming again your face? I’m usually used to the wash and apply SPF 15 kinda thing. I have to admit though it was a great facial. I felt so LA. All I needed was a pair of J Lo sunglasses, frosted hair and a polo shirt with the collar turned “up” driving away from the spa in my convertible Chrysler Sebring, blaring a Cher or Madonna song. You can’t get more “gay LA” than that. I’ll settle for just the facial, thank you very much.

When I was done I went to the men’s spa locker room to take a shower and head back to my room. It’s always interesting in a spa locker room. It’s quite different from a gym locker room. In a gym locker room, you get the usual crowd of gay and straight kinda guys. Usually, you can tell if someone is gay (by the long stares, heavy lisps, or rainbow flag towel as they frolic to the shower….or combination of all three) or straight (b line to the locker , b line to the door…maybe a shower if they HAVE to). Well a spa locker room is quite different. EVERYONE stares and your chances of bumping into a gay or at least “bi” guy are 1000000 times better than at a gym. There must be something about getting your body rubbed up and down that makes men’s inhibitions drop to the floor like their towel in a the steam room. (Which is always an experience.) This spa was no exception. Lots of men with wandering eyes and “up to no good” smirks. Also, it’s the only place (spa locker rooms) where the steam room is packed beyond belief. Of course, I could be totally wrong and the spa could be crowded with men in touch with their feminine sides. (Long pause) Metrosexual my ass!

I head back to PHX tomorrow. I’m looking forward to getting back to sanity. LA is a peculiar place. I honestly can’t stand the place. Maybe it’s my history living in New York, or the fact that people here are just weird. Sure, there’s some “beautiful” people here….but I never met such dumb people before. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure there are some wonderfully smart people here, but I never truly connected with this place. It’s amazing how different San Diego (my favorite city) and San Francisco (another favorite) are from this place. LA is just not for me….the plane can’t take off soon enough.