Everyone Does IT....

Everyone Does it...

Birds do it, bees do it, even Boston beans do it…..Yes, and you know what I am talking about: sex. So why is it that so many people are uptight about talking about sex? Point in case: This absolutely wonderful commercial in Australia. Nissan took the bold steps to make a fun commercial for its Tiida car starring Kim Cattrall from Sex And The City. If anyone knows me, they know that I totally love and identify with Kim’s character in Sex And The City….god love her. So you can imagine how I found this commercial intensely fun to watch.

Unfortunately this commercial was pulled from many stations in Australia and New Zealand. Don’t even think about it showing here in the conservative, religious-right, Focus on Everyone’s Family, wacked-out United States. It’s funny, after you watch the commercial and really digest it, it’s really not that bad. Yes, it’s suggestive, but it’s not out of line…no more than bikini clad blondes opening up a bottle of beer, or Paris Hilton with a Carl’s Jr. Hamburger. So why is it that people are so uptight about sex?

Here’s my theory. I propose that these people are just not getting any, and because of it are too sexually frustrated to watch anything with a hint of sex. You know those people…the ones hiding behind that Bible, or are so uncomfortable about themselves that they blame other people for their shortcomings. We’re all human and we all have an instinctual need for sex….so why deny it? (As long as it’s done in a non-destructive way.) Our culture discourages sex. Discouraging something we all do. Just like masturbation. Which then leads to discouraging self-expression, free speech, and the pursuit of happiness. Not very American is it?

Who are these people that actually call up the television stations and complain? If I were the switchboard operator here’s what I would say:

Ed: “Thank you for calling Channel 3, how can I help you?”
Caller: “Yes, I’d like to complain on the Nissan ad.”
Ed: “What seems to be the problem?”
Caller: “It’s offending, and sexually explicit!”
Ed: “What exactly is it that you find offending?”
Caller: “Um well…she’s suggesting she’s aroused by driving the car.”
Ed: “Ok…so can you give me more detail?”
Caller: “Well…she’s sexually enjoying the ride…if you know what I mean.”
Ed: “Actually I don’t, could you be more descriptive?”
Caller: “Excuse me? It’s obvious she’s sexually aroused by the car!”
Ed: “Are you sexually aroused by this car?”
Caller: “What? No!”
Ed: “Do cars sexually arouse you? Do you find them seductive?”
Caller: “Um No!”
Ed: “What kind of car do you drive?”
Caller: “Excuse me? What does that have to do with this complaint?”
Ed: “Ma’am I’m just trying to get as much information as possible.”
Caller: “A Ford Taurus. I don’t see why you need to know that.”
Ed: “Actually miss, you drive a boring car, so I assume you haven’t been laid in awhile, there fore you must find this commercial offensive.”
Caller: “What!!??.”
Ed: “Yea…..so I suggest you just get over it, trade your Taurus in for a convertible, and try masturbation. It works wonders.”
Caller: “Excuse me!!?”
Ed: “Um yea…..so just get over it. Bub-bye.”

God, I wish I could do that.

So, after you watch the commercial again (which I know you’ll do), think about how offending it is. Is it that bad? Or, how about we show commercials that show real people crashing in Volkswagens (scare tactic), or show the expanding cotton in a tampon (just downright gross), or how about even those political slur ads with the upcoming elections in November (no ethics)? Yes, there are a lot of “offending” things in the world. But an ad like this is no where near as offending as the things the actually do get through.

Something to think about….

PS: Here's the even longer version of the commercial. FABULOUS.

The Oh "From" Ohio....

Liza helping Parker "find" herself.
Originally uploaded by EdnPHX.

It was a jammed packed fun filled weekend. Tim and I had a couple of our close friends over to help us break in our new home. It was a smashing success that ended up with everybody in the pool and more liquor consumed than an Irish funeral. What more could you ask for in a housewarming?

Aside from the party, I came across the best movie trailer of a movie that looks absolutely awesome. The movie is called “The Oh In Ohio”, and it stars one of my favorite actors: Parker Posie. I remember that they were filming this movie back home in Cleveland, Ohio some time back. I got calls from my family and friends back in Cleveland saying that Parker Posie was in town and she was asking for me. (Well, actually that’s not true, but how fun would it be to have the original “Party Girl” say something to that effect?...but I digress…) It also stars gay-icon Liza Minelli, and a slew of other A, B and C-List stars. What makes it great is that it is filmed in my hometown of Cleveland, Ohio….and from the trailer looks pretty darn true to the look and feel of the city. So I’m all excited to see the movie until I look at when the general release is.

Why is it that when a movie comes out that I really want to see, it always has limited release in cities far, far away? For god sakes, it opened in Cleveland. (Well, I guess that’s a given since the movie happens in Cleveland.) But still, Phoenix will not see this movie in some time according to the movie website. Sigh. I feel like I am living my Brokeback Mountain drama all over again. I guess I will have to see it on my next trip to San Francisco this month.

The Oh in Ohio Movie trailer.

Things that don’t die.

Gotta love my Saguaro.
Originally uploaded by EdnPHX.

It’s amazing how things tend to not go as planned. Case in point: plants. The past couple weeks I have been busy planting in the front and back gardens. I had this grand idea that I would have all of these really cool plants, lots of color and things that would last throughout the year. I ventured to Home Depot and Lowes to find such flora that would survive the absolutely brutal desert climate. I dragged Tim with me to have a second set of eyes (and well, he lives here too…so he needs to be involved in the process, of course).

I read every damn label, instructions, tag, and even asked the “oh-so-informative” garden associate (that was way sarcastic). I bought plants that would flourish in the direct sun, heat and dry climate here in AZ. I watered, watered, and watered again (but not too much). And, of course, the beautiful flowers died. The only things that survived were the cacti and succulents that I planted along side the flowers. So, now I am just going to throw my hands up and plant more cacti and be done with it. The good part is that I am very happy with the cacti and succulents because they last and some of them do bloom now and then. Quite frankly, it’s nice to plant things that don’t die…..and in the long run, I’m sure I’ll be happier.

Which got me thinking. Plants are a lot like relationships. Just replace the flowers with all your ex-relationships, and substitute the cactus with the one you really do love. Sure things get thorny now and then, but that cactus can weather a hell of a lot and still survive. And if your lucky, it blooms with some really awesome flowers that rival any other plants.

So here I am, watering my plants and having a Zen moment. (These moments tend to hit me at the weirdest times….watering plants, on the toilet, driving on the freeway, watching Star Trek….you know what I mean…). That’s when I smiled and saw Tim….he’s one hell of a Saguaro. Oh and by the way this is him: TIM.

*happy sigh*

A Couple things before I go for the weekend…I am absolutely obsessed with the new album by Connie Bailey Rae. It’s a wonderful CD that is perfect for a lazy Sunday Morning reading the paper in the sun. (Thanks to Lady Miss Elle for putting the song “Put Your Records On” on her fab blog….) I think this is my favorite new music of the year so far.

Also, I tried a new look for the blog….something different, and a little brighter. More fun to come….

What the World needs right now is….

Originally uploaded by EdnPHX.

A Strong Black Woman. That’s right, a bone-fide, straight from the inner city ghetto, all-American, “bitch get out of my way” black woman. (Not to be confused with the pervious post concerning Star Jones, she is an annoying black woman.) What makes me bring this to the blog today? To be honest, it’s all of this news on North Korea, actually. It’s amazing that a little country like North Korea can make such an impact on the political scene. Hurling defunct missiles into the Sea of Japan does make a political splash. Although I have to admit, knowing that they could possibly put nuclear warheads on top of those defunct missiles and potentially send one our way is a bit unnerving. Also, the pictures of the North Korean leader are particularly annoying. He looks like the kid who got beat up at school, and now has a “Dr. Evil from Austin Powers” ego, and now is going to get back at the world for stealing his lunch money. Point in case, the picture on this post.

As to such, I propose that we do an American Idol type search for America’s Strongest Black Woman. Let’s find the biggest, baddest most ghetto diva and send her right over to Pyongyang to bitch slap Kim Jong-il with some big ol’ long duc dong. Now, seriously you know that such a strong woman would not put up with these political games. She’d tell it like it is and tell it straight up! (okaay?) Unfortunately, we have Condi Rice as America’s strong black woman. (I absolutely love the photos on CNN of her, they always show her scowling or in a “pouty pose”)

Although she has the “Don’t fuck with me fellas” look, Condi is a far cry from a strong black woman. Just think of it…we get the top 10 finalists in the Strong Black Woman Idol competition and we send them over to the World’s hot spots in a convoy of Cadillac Escalades with a simple message: “Don’t fuck with us, or will kick your nappy ass.” We’ll even throw in Martha Wash to sing a battle charge as the convoy approaches. There is no escape from the scorn of a strong black woman.

Of course, if the resistance to the Strong Black Woman Convoy fails, well, they you just pissed off 10 Strong Black Women. Now, the convoy turns into 10 Angry Black Women, and well, you just as well should consider the place nuked.

In either case, when you sit back and look at the world, it’s a pretty crazy place. From Iraq to North Korea, from Global Warming to Gas Guzzling SUV’s…..there’s no one single solution. But, throw it a strong black woman and it’ll be much more interesting to watch!