3:34pm: A Slow Day At Work.

If these Butts could talk.....
Originally uploaded by EdnPHX.

“Time goes by, so slowly. Time goes by, so slowly.” You ever have one of those slow days at work, where it’s so slow that you actually get pissed if the phone rings? I mean, god help you if you actually want me to do my job. Actually, it is a slow day here at the office. We have our “Holiday Luncheon” today. Boston Market is catering. Our company usually does a fancy schmancy dinner-event off site, but this year we have to cut expenses…hence, we now have turkey slices and mash potatoes on paper plates. Festive. They even have cranberry sauce….which is just downright nasty. Honestly I hate these holiday functions. I never have a good time, and all the fun happens when there is alcohol around…and well, that was cut too. Bummer. They did have door prizes, though. Unfortunately I didn’t win the $5 gift certificate to Safeway or the $25 gift certificate to Red Lobster. (Do people even still go there?) So to kill the boredom, I decided to book my next vacation to Puerto Vallarta.

Ah, yes, Puerto Vallarta. Going in February. Booked 4 nights at the Hotel Mercurio and got a great deal on airfare on America West/US Air. Just a nice long weekend down in Mexico. I’ve never been, but my friends tell me it’s a great place to visit and have some fun. Paul from San Francisco and Chris from Phoenix are both going to go. So I figure it will be a fun time to let the hair down and kick it with some hot guys in square-cuts. I’m locked and loaded…..ready to go.

Yes, it’s slow here at work. Do you smoke? I don’t. I think it’s a nasty habit. But, I’m coming to realize that there are some interesting benefits to the activity. So, here’s the deal: My office has a window. (Yes, I know….sounds glamorous, but it’s not all that.) My window is right next to the ashtray outside at the building exterior wall. The building has mirrored windows. Put all that together and you have wonderful entertainment throughout the day. So, I’m coming to realize that smokers have it good. Most smokers spend at least 30 minutes to an hour a day smoking and not doing their job. And on top of that, they gossip like no tomorrow. Fortunately, windows are not soundproof. I’ve heard some great conversations, and seen some really nasty stuff. It never fails that some overweight smoker will fix their makeup or clean their teeth right in my window. Augh. Nasty. I’ve had a guy adjust his manhood. I’ve seen some lady pick her nose. And I even had a guy lean and squash his but up against my window while he tied his shoe. (Although, that is ok, cause he had a hot ass.) What gets me is that these people HAVE to know that the HR guy’s office is on the other side of the window. Yet, this doesn’t stop them. Here’s a couple of things I overheard the smokers gossiping about:

(On a cell phone) “Well, FUCK YOU TOO you skanky hoe. You’re the fucking cheat! I better not see your slutty ass when I get home!” (Obviously, talking to his mother.)

(To another smoker) “I hate this job. I can’t believe I slept with my boss….god, he was so good though….he had the biggest dick.” (Hmmm…who’s this manager???)

“You know HR is on the other side of this window” “Yea, but they can’t hear anything, these windows are solid, and they can’t hear nuthin.” (That’s right…keep thinking that.)

“I have the shits….god I’ve been going to the bathroom like a billion times today” (She says this while she’s leaning on the window…augh.)

Anyway, smokers have it down. They definitely take advantage of the time, as well, as keep me entertained. I think one of these days I’ll start pounding on the window and freak them out. “Time goes by, so slowly. Time goes by, so slowly”.