Digesting the Holiday

Freezing our Butts off at the Grand Canyon
Originally uploaded by EdnPHX.

I had a great week with the family, well, part of my family. As you may know from my last post, I was expecting the arrival of my mom, little sister and older brother. Unfortunately, my little brother and older sister had to endure the early winter blizzard back in Cleveland. (Another reminder of why I live in Phoenix). We had a great Thanksgiving. The Jennie-O turkey was a hit. It cooked perfect and did exactly what is said it was supposed to do: Freezer to Oven to Delicious. Definitely going to do one of those birds next year. Here are a couple crazy stories (Cliff-Notes versions) that came out of the latest family adventures:

Thursday night we decided to do what every other American family does after Thanksgiving dinner: vege out on the couch watching TV. Bravo was doing a “My Life On The “D” List” with Kathy Griffin marathon that night. We ended up watching like 4 or 5 episodes of the show. We all laughed our asses off at the show. I guess good humor does run in the family. What was funny was that my brother Neil noticed that the background music in the show was actually his music. For you who don’t know, my brother is a professional musician. So, my brother stops us all from watching the show and goes “Oh my god, THAT’S MY MUSIC!!!” We all looked at him like the triptosan from the turkey had some weird effect on him. But, as luck would have it, it was his music. So there’s a crazy 6 degrees of separation our family has with Kathy Griffin. Who knew? (And now Neil knows why he’s getting those ASCAP checks.) www.neilzaza.com

Friday, my sister Anne and I traveled up to Las Vegas for an overnighter. We got my TL to over 100mph on some of the roads going up there. Made it there in 3 hours 45 minutes (aka: WARP 8). We checked in and went to lunch at Mesa at Caesars. It was an ok meal….nothing spectacular. But, what was spectacular were all the hot straight men crawling all over the place. I don’t know, it could have been the 5 Bacardi Limon and diets, or they could of genuinely been really hot. (I think they were really hot) Either case, we were having fun and letting out hair down. Then my sister introduces me to the $5 Blackjack tables. My little sister is a competitive demon on the blackjack table. She’s damn good. Spent about an hour or so there and then went shopping. Vegas does have some good shopping. But what makes this trip crazy is the fact that after all that drinking and shopping and gambling, we ended up passing out in the hotel room and NOT going out to PURE (a big fancy club in Vegas) which I had us on the list for. (I have connections). Out intent was to take a power “disco” nap at 8pm and be at the club by 11pm. We ended up waking up at 1:30am. Bummer. But, we did have a fabulous breakfast and got some good sleep. We had fun, which is all I intended the trip to be.. And didn’t feel any “clubbers guilt” for not going. Plus we had energy to do what we ended up doing the next day.

The next day, we started our journey home to Phoenix. (By the way, my mom and Neil took an overnight trip to Sedona….just in case you were wondering if we just up and left them…which we didn’t, of course) About 90 miles into Arizona, we passed a sign that said: GRAND CANYON 166 MILES. I looked at my sister and she looked at me. We both said “Let’s go see the Grand Canyon!” So with a couple punches into the Navigation System, and we were on our way! My sister Anne and I are both the types to just get up and do those spur of the moment things. And this was one of those times. So, we high tailed it to the Grand Canyon and took some awesome pics. We made it just before the sun was setting….perfect timing! It was about 29 degrees when we got there….it was friggn’ cold. So we stayed about 15 minutes took some pictures and then bolted back to Phoenix. Not before we made fun of all the foreigners in their rented cars in the Grand Canyon Parking Lot. We crack ourselves up on how un “pc” we can be. I put about 800 miles on my car…and it was totally worth it.

So today they left, and it’s sad to see them go. I had a great time with my family and it reminds me of why I love them all so much: alcohol. (kidding) Actually a family that drinks together, stays together…well, at least in my family. I just hope I can get my drinking tolerance up enough for the Christmas trip back to Ohio in 3 weeks. I’m looking forward to a tall beer at the Winking Lizard and some good wings….which we don’t seem to have out here in Arizona. And I have to loose 3000 pounds before I go out there, cause my mom cooks up a storm. Ah…..Christmas is coming soon. But right now my biggest dilemma is this: Do I put up Christmas decorations this year? Eh, who knows….I just might.

The Calm Before The Storm

Giving it one more try......
Originally uploaded by EdnPHX.

So, it’s the eve before the eve before Thanksgiving. I sit here writing tonight cause I am just in the mood to write. Maybe it’s the Michael Buble CD playing, or maybe it’s the beautiful evening weather….or maybe it’s just the calm before the storm. I’d normally be drinking a nice glass of wine right now (brings out the writer in me), but unfortunately, I have been recovering from a nasty case of food poisoning from late Saturday night. Have you ever had food poisoning? This is like the 4th time I can remember having it. AND IT SUCKS. I decided to have one of those nice relaxing nights alone at home on a Saturday night, catch up on some Tivo and enjoy a nice bottle of Zinfandel. (NOT White Zinfandel, which means you have not a clue on what good wine is…sorry to offend anyone who actually likes the stuff, but come on…most people who enjoy White Zin get it out of a box. Open your mind and get a nice Riesling or even a Fume Blanc….you’ll be glad you did and become a wine snob like the rest of us. Anyway back to my story…) So I stopped by Trader Joes and got a pre-packaged Chicken Enchilada meal (refrigerated not frozen), a bottle of wine and a couple other things for the freezer. So, I got home and ate the Chicken Enchiladas and about an hour later I got sick. Got the chills, the sweats, and my stomach felt like a scene out of Aliens. No sleep that night and some how I managed not to vomit everything up. Which now, that I think about it, I probably should of done. Cause the next 2 days my intestines felt like they were going into contractions to give birth. (And I have no idea who the father is…) Yuck. A perfect diet before the holidays, though. Today I feel much better.

So much in fact that, I was able to get all my baking done for the family coming in tomorrow. I baked 2 pumpkin pies, an almond raspberry tart, and a green bean casserole….which are all damn good. (Thank you very much.) So, now I’ve just finished cleaning my place to make everything presentable. Had to hide the porn. Which everyone does when they have family coming over. Doesn’t matter if your gay or straight, you always have to hide SOMETHING from your parents. Be it porn, pot, toys, condom wrappers under the bed, you name it…there’s always something. Now, I’m fortunate enough that my family is way cool with me being gay…in fact too cool sometimes….so I don’t have to hide EVERYTHING. But, if they went into my bedroom closet they would see my porn collection that would make a librarian and the dewy decimal system blush. Who knew Falcon had THAT many titles?

The highlight of the coming week is going to be Friday. My little sister (who’s not really little when she’s 27 years old.) and I are going to ditch my mom and older brother and drive up to Vegas for the night and party like high school girls in heat with some of her friends from Cleveland. My mom and brother are going to take a road trip up to Sedona for the night. Two different trips. One of spiritual vortexes and the other drinking spirits like vortexes. We’ll all meet back at my place on Saturday night and compare notes. Of course what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. But, in my case, NOTHING happens in Vegas. Every time I go to that city, it sucks. Never have a good time. Not to mention the gay scene is just a joke up there. So this time I hope it will be different with my little sis. I always have a good time with her and we both can drink like drunken Irish sailors when we are together. So, I’m actually looking forward to it. I’ll bring plenty of Advil.

The family flies home on Monday. I’m sure I’ll have stories…lots of stories….next time I write. In the meantime, I’ll just kick back, listen to Michael Buble, relax, kick my feet up and enjoy this calm before the storm. (And maybe watch a quick porn…)

I'm Trapped.

Instant Thanksgiving.
Originally uploaded by EdnPHX.

Yes, I’m trapped. One of the things I absolutely hate about living in a multi-unit complex is the fact of when people decide to move. Yes, it’s a really happy moment in their lives: new place, probably bought their first home, they are moving to bigger better and more happy places. Unfortunately they always decide to park their “Happy Moving Truck” in front of my garage. I’d ask them to move the truck, but why bother considering they are going to be moving all day. It’s amazing how much junk people have. I never knew it took a whole truck to move a Precious Moments figurine collection. Additionally, why do people insist on moving at 7:00am on a Saturday? “BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEP….” It’s not like the truck itself was loud enough that they had to put the on loudest back-up beeper. I mean, what kids are playing behind a moving truck at 7am on a Saturday? Then, of course, they start loading the truck. Who knew that they were moving steel beams and throwing them directly on the bare metal of the truck. “BAM BANG CLANK SCREACH GRIND BAM!” Who needs an alarm clock when I got neighbors like these? Well, at least temporarily. They could have at least hired some beefy movers to watch. I can’t wait till my building goes condo. Not like that is going to make THAT much difference, but at least it will cut down on the “Happy Moving Trucks.”

So today I have to buy a turkey. Gooble Gooble…it’s fucking Thanksgiving, people. Have you gotten YOUR turkey stuffed? (That was bad I know…but I totally think that every time I pass the frozen turkeys at Safeway. I like that saying almost as much as “getting your kitty punched”. People see me laughing in Safeway. If they only knew…). So I’ve decided to get one of those Jennie-O Frozen Turkeys in A Bag. I’m all about having a good piece of meat, and well, I had one of these last year. It was just as the label promised: “From Freezer to Over to Delicious”. I debated getting a regular frozen or even fresh turkey, but then I remember that you have to gut the damn thing. Talk about a crash diet. I wouldn’t be able to eat for a week if I had to pull a heart, liver, kidneys, and what ever the hell else out of the bum of a turkey. Fisting a turkey is not my idea of the holidays. So, that’s why this Jennie-O bird is such a great idea. Take it out of the bag…pop it in the oven, and viola! It’s Thanksgiving, dammit. Who is this Jennie-O anyway? I want to shake her hand…as long as I know she wasn’t fisting her birds before….yuck.

So the family is coming in all the way from Northfield Center, Ohio. (Which is a southeastern suburb of Cleveland). Not all the family is coming, just my mom, my older brother and younger sister. I have a relatively large family. I have 2 other siblings, who will be in Ohio enjoying the cold weather and snow….and fisted turkey I’m sure. I have a sitcom family. I love them all like no tomorrow, but when you see the mechanics of my family, you think you saw something special….like a sitcom or a Broadway musical. We say “fuck” at the dinner table, we’re all loud, we argue, we laugh, we cry, we give hugs, we eat pasta, and we drink….and that’s all within 10 minutes of getting together. Imagine a “Fran Drescher like” family without the New York accent. As my siblings would agree, you have to give a disclaimer to people when they meet my family for the first time. The disclaimer being “You will be drinking, you will blush a number of times, and you HAVE to be yourself.” If you don’t get along with my family….you’ll never make it in my world. We all have polar opposite personalities and we all get along. It’s weird…..but it works and it’s my family…which I do miss. That’s why I’m excited to see them.

So it’s off to Safeway……watch out Jennie-O, here I come! (Just clean those hands.)

My Confessions on a Carpeted Floor

Forgive me father, for I am sinning....
Originally uploaded by EdnPHX.

Madonna, the gay icon. You know, she’s a big whore. Well, actually I don’t know that for sure, but you have to admit if you were married to Guy Ritchie, well, you would be too. He’s smoking hot. Anyway, I downloaded “Confessions on a Dance Floor” yesterday. I have to admit, it’s a really good album. BUT, I forewarn you, it is not a “dance” CD by any means. Actually, it reminds me a lot of Ray of Light. She definitely has influences by Gwen Stephani and Kylie Monogue. It’s a great driving CD; car tunes to the core. Over all I would say “it’s got nice lines, a fun frisky use of color….all in all, I’d have to say it’s….not bad.” (Romy and Michele reference). I’m sure when Hex Hector or some other DJ gets a hold of the album, they will come out with some amazing remixes, and totally “homo” it up with shimmers and sparkles and shit. Anyway, it’s a good album. Favorite tracks are “Sorry”, “Let it Be” and “Forbidden Love”.

I have a confession to make……on a carpeted floor, even. I called in sick today. I haven’t called in sick in over 3 years…and I feel horribly guilty. It must be my Catholic upbringing. So, as penance, I decided to clean the living hell out of my place….even, scrubbed the showers and toilet. (which was clean already, thank you very much.) So after I said 2 Our Fathers, and 3 Hail Marys, I decided to hit Scottsdale Mall to do a little retail therapy. You know, who knew there were that many hot guys at the mall at 2pm on a Wednesday? So I ended up at Crate And Barrel and got cruised by this totally hot couple buying flatware. Well, wouldn’t you know it, I was buying glassware! All I needed was a hottie buying dishes and we would have had a dinner party! How fabulous. (And gay). So I proceeded to check out and the girl at the counter asks me: “Do you know them?” I turned around and the flatware guys quickly turned the other way. SO obvious they were looking. So, the counter girl goes: “Well, if you don’t know them, they sure as hell want to know you.” I laughed out loud, because she (the counter girl) had some balls to say that. I said: “Well, if they want it, they can come and get it…cause I would totally go there!” She blushed. The guys then scurried downstairs to the furniture department. Looking for beds, obviously.

So, now I’m at home writing this blog entry and listening to Madonna. Thinking about some other confessions, I need to make. I confess, I totally took my TL out this morning and blew some carbon out of the tailpipe. I never knew 270hp could be so much fun. Sunroof open, music blaring…and gunning it all over the place…..if felt so good. Felt good to get some frustration out. Fuck those BMW 3 series…my car could kick it’s ass. In fact, I totally blew past one on the 51….damn it felt good. Next confession: I confess, I like Cher more than Madonna. Even though this album is good, I like Cher more. Shocking I know. But, you’ll all have to get over it. Final confession (for today): I confess, I have and mini crush on…….well……hmmm……I’ll keep you guessing. (And, it’s not what or who you think…)

My Life, My Documentary.

IKEA, The Pseudo Gay Bar
Originally uploaded by EdnPHX.

“And…..ACTION!” My life this weekend was sorta one of those whirlwind weekends that could have been filmed as a documentary. You know…shaky camera angles, a voice over narrative, and people just being people? Well, this weekend was filled with lots of fun and a little bit of drama here and there. I often wonder if I ever did a documentary, would people actually watch it? Is my life that interesting (or boring) that people would find entertaining? I mean, let’s face it, documentaries are pretty darn cool......especially if you have some vested interest in the subject matter. And even more so if it’s got some plot to it…drama….sex…..nudity….hell, even some porn stars would be quite cool. Of course…now that I think about it, that would actually BE a porn. Eh, that’s cool too. But for the sake of blogdom, we’ll stick to the cockumentary…oh wait…I mean documentary. So I guess I’ll start my weekend recap documentary with a recap of the events that I like to call: “Bars, Booze, Boots and Boys at IKEA”.

Have you ever been to IKEA? I have, and well….if your gay…you probably have been too. I often wonder why the place just doesn’t put up a bar, string up a disco ball, and invite Hex Hector to spin right next to the PLYTIK Dishware or LAHOLM sofas. I love going to IKEA for the mere fact that it’s such a hodgepodge of society. You’ve got heteros, homos, metros, mexicos, African americos, lesbos, and even a hobo or two. All shopping in perfect harmony under the IKEA signage telling them what to buy and how to place it perfectly in your home. It’s amazing what clean design, functional furnishings, and Swedish meatballs can do….life is perfectly harmonious…all is right…god is upon us and he gives us good gifts of HENSVIK bookcases and KARLSLUND loungers. Unfortunately, when you get outside to the parking lot, it’s a fucking free-for-all get the hell out of my way, “That’s MY god dammed parking spot, you stupid whore!” reality, we’re all forced to face. Then you get the shit home and it NEVER looks as good as it did in the store. And let’s not forget the hex wrench. BUT, it’s all worth it because you bought it at trendy IKEA. And if it’s from IKEA, it’s fabulous…..or at least that’s what Madison Avenue is telling me. Newsweek did a great article last week on how IKEA has become a cult….much like Apple, but on a global scale. Anyway, so I was there yesterday and bought hangers (HANGSHIRTO), towels (DRYURDUPAS), and paper napkins (MESSYFASE). I know, how domestic of me.

Last night went to the M.E.A.T. Military Party. Don’t ask me what the M.E.A.T. stands for, I’m sure it’s something sexual….(well duh)…but I never thought to ask. I’m sure a billion other guys will be blogging the party as well…maybe even some pics will come out of it. So here’s the deal, you had to dress up in military garb to get in, let alone score an invite. I was lucky to have a friend who offered to give me an invite. The invites were these nifty “dog tags”. I don’t really know why you even needed an invite. They didn’t really check to see if I had an invite, they sorta just waved me into the door of the house. Eh, who knows…I thought I looked pretty hot in my camo pants, polished army boots (pants tucked in) and green army tee. Anyway, I brought along Travis, who looked good as well. (If only his gym hotties could of seen him….) It was a pretty sizable party; I’d say a couple hundred guys or so. Some dressed as I, some who went in full marine blues. (Which I have to admit was hot…very hot). There was the usual bar crowd people, online people, the rowdy sports club people, some ACTUAL military guys, local gay politicians, and even a girl or two (as scary as THAT sounds). To this day, I still think it would be a great idea to have party where everyone wore their screen name on a nametag. It would be SOOO much easier that way! Back to the party…… It was the pooh-pooh platter of the gay community in PHX. Needless to say after my 3rd Bacardi and diet, I had to “pee like a race horse”. Well, that’s when the party started to annoy me. You figure with 4 bathrooms you’d be able to get in and out with no problem. Not the case. And well, you know…when YA GOTTA GO, YOU GOTTA GO. So I waited in line (no kidding) for 25 minutes. When I finally finished, I dreaded…no, FEARED…waiting in that line again. So I decided to get one last drink, and then hit the road. Before I left, I met the most amazing guy!!! (Well, actually that is a lie…..but wouldn’t it of been cool if that DID happen?) Actually, I just went home, had a protein shake and went to bed. But, I did have fun. Which is the reason I wanted to go anyway. And to get some face time in the crowd. Who knows, maybe one of these days I’ll be approached by a nice, sane, hunky, masculine guy who will ask: “Hey didn’t I see you at the military party?” And I’ll reply: “YES, SIR!”

So the weekend ended up with me going to Scottsdale mall to buy some clothes and skin products to shake off a little depression I’ve been fighting. Nothing big, but just have had a lot of time to think about some things. I recently gave some advice to a friend that’s been making me think. There’s a saying” “It’s not the situation, but how you respond to the situation.” I guess I’m thinking about some of the situations I’m in lately and looking at those situations. Eh, in time….nothing earth shattering, but I do believe I need to wrap some things up personally. I guess I need to start looking at situations realistically. I tend to read into things too much…and well, I need to start having fun again. Especially since we’re getting around the holidays. This will be my first holiday season being single in over 6 years. Actually 7 years if I count my ex before my ex. So, I’m not really excited about the whole holiday thing. Yea, it’s getting me down a bit, but I believe in keeping myself occupied. You know the more I think about it…I should be blaming Wal-Mart. Well, they are the ones putting Christmas shit out even before Halloween! Yup, there it is…..Wal-Mart! DAMN THEM!!!! Gosh, doesn’t it feel good when you can blame Wal-Mart? Anyway, I’ll conclude my post…err…documentary with a quick music update.

Alanis Morissette: Crazy (James Michaels Mix). Alanis remade my favorite tune by Seal. I came out when this song was released back in the early 90s. So it’s sorta my “coming of age” song. She does a great job remaking it. It’s got a more modern feel and well, Alanis’s voice fits perfect. Sorta reminds me of how I feel now…………..

Behind the 8 Ball

Oh, wise one...
Originally uploaded by EdnPHX.

It’s funny, as crazy as the world can get, I sometimes take a minute to think about what has transpired over the past couple years. I usually get really frustrated and then I try to center my thoughts on the future and what could be. I don’t necessarily believe in luck, although a huge win on the powerball would have been nice. Instead I find my self being very futuristic and asking myself questions. As crazy as this sounds, I find a lot of humor and solace in the Magic Eight Ball. Yes, you read correctly, the Magic Eight Ball. Now, before you go and start thinking I’m a total looney, you need to understand that since I’m not an oracle, or don’t really care to spend the $9.00 a minute charge for the Psychic Friends Network, or really care for a book on palm reading,…… a Magic Eight Ball is just as good as anything else. I’ve tried the fortune cookie thing, but I can only eat Chinese every so often, and well…..who has a bunch of fortune cookies sitting around? And you can just forget Horoscopes…..they are so “all over the place”. You figure they would all be the same…they all come from the stars don’t they? Eh, it’s all up for interpretation. I mean, you’ve got Horoscopes, HOMOscopes, Love-o-scopes, Career-o-scopes, hell you even got WHORE-o-scopes (and if you’re reading those kinda horoscopes…well…..you’re calling ME the looney one?) Anyway, the Magic Eight Ball is pretty darn good….nothing can be left to interpretation. And well, if it doesn’t know….it just says “Ask Again Later.” Pretty honest little ball if you ask me. So here’s a number of questions I asked it tonight and the answers that floated to the top……

“Is my hair brown?” A: YES, DEFINITELY. (Thank god, cause I am totally growing in the salt and pepper thing….so M8 gets kudos for making me feel better! I knew it wouldn’t let me down!)

“Will 2006 be a great year?” A: MY SOURCES SAY NO. (Well, THAT sucks. Who are these damn sources anyway? (silence) MMmmm Hmmm, that’s what I thought!)

“Will I meet any datable guys soon? You know, the ones without fatal flaws and shit?” A: WITHOUT A DOUBT. (Hooray!!!! There’s hope! That’s my ball! Keep up the good work!)

“What about a big raise and bonus from work? “ A: IT IS CERTAIN. (Fuck yea! I smell a far away vacation! A shopping spree maybe? It’s ALL good to me!)

“Will I have sex in the next 2 weeks?” A: YOU MAY RELY ON IT. (Well, goddamn. Right on!)

“Will that sex be HOT sex….not that boring bad stuff…you know what I am talking about.” A: ASK AGAIN LATER. (Ooooo, I don’t like the sound of that….NOT AT ALL.)

“Will Travis hook up with one of the 3 hotties in his gym?” A: MY SOURCES SAY NO. (Sorry Trav…..I tried.)

“Aside from sex, will I ever fall in love again?” A: OUTLOOK NOT SO GOOD. (Must be talking to those “sources” again. I think you need new sources…cause they ain’t very positive…..)

“Will I get those Big Arms I want for Christmas?” A: MY SOURCES SAY NO. (Well, FUCK those sources…I’ll show them…..what do you have to say about that!!? HUH!!??)

“Sigh…ok…Will American Idol be worth watching this season?” A: MY SOURCES SAY NO. (OK…we're done here.)

Needless to say, Mr. Magic Eight Ball, is not in a very good mood tonight…but maybe a week in the desk drawer will change his mind.

"Must See" Colorado

Great Sand Dunes of Colorado
Originally uploaded by EdnPHX.

I had a great time this past Saturday in Colorado. I finally got to see the Great Sand Dunes of Colorado. My friend Jeff and I (and his dog Chancey) jumped into his Yellow Dodge Dakota and hit the road to the dunes. It’s quite an amazing site to see. The sand dunes tower over 700 feet high and cover an area of over 60 square miles. Once there, we hit the park at a great time where the sun was lower in the sky (4pm). The place looks like your in some crazy Saudi Arabian sand desert. The wind was very high and it was quite cold as well (probably in the 30’s with wind chill). But, the views are simply amazing. Words cannot describe how beautiful the place is and how just plain “in awe” you are of these sand dunes. You can walk all over these dunes as well which is way cool. We climbed up some of the perimeter dunes of the park, which is a great workout for your calves….remember it’s pure sand you are walking on. It’s amazing, your footsteps essentially disappear in minutes due to the blowing sand. When you look around all you see are the huge sand dunes and white capped mountains in the near distance. It’s quite wild. I took some amazing pictures on the dunes. Definitely a “must see” in Colorado.

http://www.nps.gov/grsa/

Garden of the Gods & Pikes Peak
Originally uploaded by EdnPHX.

Sunday, we decided to go take a walk at the Garden of the Gods Park here in Colorado Springs. Again, another beautiful natural park filled with rock formations that remind me very much of Sedona, AZ. There’s great red rock formations all over the place, that people can actually rock climb. In fact, there were a number of people rock climbing all over the place. I was sorta taken back by that considering that most national monuments/parks have strict rules on rock climbing to preserve the park. Not here. It was a rock climbing free-for-all, everywhere you looked. Made me want to take up rock climbing , because I can only imagine the views. The park had the perfect backdrop as well: Pikes Peak with snow at the top. Again, took some great pictures. That night Jeff and I and his crazy-cool-fun friends had dinner in Manitou Springs, a quaint mountain town at the foot of Pikes Peak. Imagine a tiny town with shops, restaurants and bars, but with a total “ski-lodge town” kinda feel. I felt like I should be carrying skis or a snowboard. Overall, had a great weekend. The weather was perfect, the company was great, the beer was COLD, and the quesadillas and margaritas were awesome.

http://www.springsgov.com/page.asp?NavID=987

Dessert In the Desert

A slice of heaven.
Originally uploaded by EdnPHX.

Mmmmm, pumpkin pie. A sign that Fall is upon us. I love pumpkin pie….in fact, I could eat a whole pie all by my lonesome self. (Hopefully I won’t have to). From my last post, I stated that I was going to eat the whole gosh darn pie out of frustration. Well, I’m glad to report that I didn’t. I ate half. I was totally out of Redi-Whip, so it just added to my frustration…so I stopped at half. Sigh, my luck. Then I proceeded to the gym…and then felt better about my guilty pleasure of pumpkin pie. Did I mention that I make the “best mutha fu**ing pumpkin pie” on Earth? Yep, I sure do. It’s won prizes all across the land, from the rolling hills of Ohio to the Sonoran Desert of Arizona. (Actually, I am embellishing a bit. But, can you imagine going over to some guy’s house and seeing blue ribbons all over the place for having won contests for pumpkin pie baking contests? I mean, really, how queer would THAT be?) You too can bake the best pumpkin pie, though. Just use the recipe on the back of the Libby’s Pumpkin can. Yes, there you have it…I revealed my deepest dark secret to baking. Just make sure you don’t use that nasty Pumpkin Pie spice shit…..it tastes nasty…use the real spices singularly. Anyway, I wanted to mention that I like to cook….and pumpkin pie is one of my best talents. Now, if I could only make an omelet…..

I started my afternoon lunchtime workouts at the Bally Total Fitness up by my work. I decided to renew my Bally membership, because they practically begged me to come back, and let me renew at an insane price (under $90 a year). For those of you who don’t know, I used to work for Bally Total Fitness, and I can tell you they would do anything, and I mean anything, to get you to be a member. Even have sex with you. (kidding…..or am I?) Not as pretty at the LA Fitness by my house, but yet, a good way to get energy throughout the day. Unfortunately, (fortunate to some of you), it has those shower rooms instead of single shower stalls. Which, I like to call “gang bang” showers. I quite honestly don’t care for these showers. Not that I am self conscious, shy or uncomfortable or anything. But, it never fails that some creepy fat guy goes into the shower area next to me. This, of course, happened today. Now, if it were some hot hunky guy, well, then there would be a totally different story, but it never happens that way. Needless to say, the “hot” factor in this gym is quite low…at least at lunch time. Maybe that’s a good thing, as it will keep me focused on my Christmas gift to myself…..big arms. (See previous post).