The Journey Home

Back Home in Phoenix, Arizona
Originally uploaded by EdnPHX.

I’m finally back in Phoenix. It’s good to be home. But the trip back to Phoenix was not without it’s hiccups and money-making opportunities. How’s that you say? Well, it goes a little something like this:

When we last left our intrepid traveler, I was delayed by roughly 2 days. I received a $500 travel voucher and was to be booked first class back to PHX through Houston. I was pretty ok with going back on Thursday (as opposed to Tuesday), but was a little annoyed that my luggage was going to Phoenix and not I. Wearing the same clothes for three days is not a fun experience. (Don’t worry I DID wash my clothes at my mom’s place the next day….so it wasn’t THAT bad…..but aesthetically I never like to wear the same clothes over and over again…fashion faux paw) The extra time I had on my hands was very well spent with family and Tim. But it gets hard saying good-bye over and over again.

Thursday morning, (not to be confused with Lauren Bacall’s Tuesday Morning…god, she’s on a downward spiral career wise schlepping bargain cut outs at discount stores….what a shame…) I got to the airport at 7:30am for my 8:55am flight to Houston. I flew 1st class to Houston and had a wonderful omelet and fruit plate with a hot cinnamon roll. Not too bad. I arrive in Houston to beautiful sunny weather. I was almost home! I journeyed to my connecting gate in the new E terminal. While on the way, I stopped at the Swatch Store and bought 2 awesome swatches. (I love swatches…I loved them in the 80’s and I love them now. They’ve come a long way and the designs and materials are top notch. Swatch Watches are my little unknown obsession.) I get to my gate and then board my direct flight to PHX. Continental 1st Class service is damn good. I had a Bacardi and Diet Coke (with a lime) to take an edge off the late morning while I waited for the coach cabin to board. THEN, it came. The gate agent pulls the microphone from the galley and says:

“Ladies and Gentlemen, we currently have an oversold situation. We are looking for volunteers to deplane this flight and take the next available flight to Phoenix connecting through El Paso, Texas at 2:30pm. For your seat, we are giving a $400 travel voucher good for wherever Continental or Northwest flies.”

Well, my day was shot anyway, so why the hell not? DING DING DING. I got my things, got off them plane and went to the gate counter. They gave me a $400 travel voucher, a $6 meal voucher and I was off to the next gate in the B Terminal. Wow, I just made $900 bucks off this trip! But wait kids, it’s not over just yet.

I get to Gate B84C for my El Paso flight, which was packed. According to my new travel itinerary, I was to go to El Paso on Continental Express (a little regional jet) and then connect in El Paso to PHX on America West. (This usually NEVER happens: where one airline flies you on another airline...but who cares, I was getting home). The flight to El Paso was delayed due to a mechanical problem….so much of a problem, they had to get another plane. This delayed the flight by an hour and we were cutting it close for the connecting flight. Finally, we get on the plane and it’s packed. They close the cabin door and do the Flight Attendant Safety Dance, and then the engines power down. Oh God, what now? The pilot opens the cabin door and deplanes to talk with the ground crew. After about 20 minutes, the gate agent comes on the plane and grabs the microphone in the galley and says:

“Good afternoon everyone, we currently have a weight balance situation due to the small size of this aircraft. We are currently looking for volunteers to take another flight to El Paso or their final destination. For cooperation, we are offering a $400 travel voucher good for wherever Continental or Northwest flies.”

You’ve GOT to be kidding me!?? DING DING DING! (we have a winner!) I got off that tiny crowded plane, with 2 other people, all of us going to Phoenix (as crazy as that sounds.) I got my $400 travel voucher, another $6 meal voucher and a confirmed seat on the 10:45pm non-stop flight to PHX. I was also put on the standby list for every non-stop flight to PHX starting at 5:35pm. I just made $1300 in travel vouchers. God, where ever will I go? (My original ticket to Cleveland cost $277).

I was lucky enough to get on the 5:35pm flight back to PHX and was home by 7:45pm Thursday night. My bed never felt so good. I called Tim when I got home and told him the crazy story and we both laughed…and felt awesome about the free travel. I’m going back to CLE (free) next weekend, and he’s coming out here to PHX end of January. When you think about it, things happen for a reason. I’m never good at long distance kinda things….but with 3 free tickets…it’ll make it a whole lot easier and nicer. Who knows, maybe in the near future I won’t have to deal with a “long distance” relationship, but rather a fantastic one.

A 1st Class Delay

1st Class Ticket Home
Originally uploaded by EdnPHX.

Where in the world is Ed? Wouldn’t you believe it, I am STILL in Cleveland, Ohio. God love the airlines. Leave it to them to overbook flights during the holiday season. Thankfully, though, Continental Airlines has a pretty good policy when it comes to bumping people off their airplanes. So here’s how the day went yesterday:

I wrapped up the day with seeing the family. I had the usual long Italian good-byes of hugs and kisses and “When will we see you again..” kinda stuff. Tim volunteered to take me to the airport, as it what I was hoping for, as I had even longer Italian good-byes with him. He’s such a hot guy. (long pause….mind wanders) Anyway, I said good-bye to Tim and started my adventure into Cleveland Hopkins International Airport. CLE (airport code for Cleveland) is actually a very busy airport. It’s not as busy as Phoenix Sky Harbor, but for being a Continental hub it’s pretty busy. As I walked in I could feel the travel tension seeping through the air. People running all over the place, men arguing at the ticket counters, travelers sleeping on the floor, bags of freshly opened holidays gifts (that are way too big to put in the overhead bins), and the “fingernails on chalkboard” sounds of babies crying. I think it should be law to sedate children under the age of five, and check them with your luggage. It would make life a lot easier on the flight. In fact they should come up with ADULTAIR, an airline without children under the age of 18 and younger than the age of 65.

I waited in the Security line for 30 minutes watching people take everything off except their underwear. The very attractive muscle-bound TSA guy was asking everyone to take their coats off and a couple of people took EVERYTHING off….it was funny. (God love those people from Poland.) I got to the gate, and they started making this wonderful announcement: “ Thank you for flying Continental airlines, at this time we have an oversold situation, we need up to 20 (yes…that’s TWENTY) volunteers to take the next available flight and receive a travel voucher for $250 good for your next flight on Continental or Northwest.” So I sat there, thinking I could use the voucher, but really needed to get back to Phoenix. Additionally, the next flight to Phoenix would be on Thursday morning, due to heavy holiday flight loads. Nah, I needed to get back to Phoenix.

So I got on the plane, which was insanely packed. I got to my seat 10F, which was a window seat. It’s important for me to have an isle or window seat as I am 6’3. Plus I like the window because it is easier to sleep up against a wall. As the plane loaded, the cabin got louder and louder with hard of hearing old people, loud people with major nasal accents, and the worst of the worst....crying babies. As my luck would have it, sitting in the middle seat was a 4 year old gem with the vocal cords of Mariah Carey on a bad day. I thought everything would be ok until the mother disciplined the little girl for playing with the tray table. Then it hit like a Christmas Tsunami. I could feel the blood starting to ooze out of my ears from the screechy scream from the depths of hell that came out of the brat’s mouth. Then like a sunbeam out of heaven, the flight attendant made this announcement.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we still have a need for a couple more volunteers due to the oversold situation. At this time we are offering to book you FIRST CLASS through Houston on Thursday morning, also giving you a $500 travel voucher to anywhere Continental or Northwest flies.”

As I looked at the Devil Mom and her Seed of Satan next to me, I couldn’t reach the call bell fast enough. DING DING DING DING DING! I got my carry-ons and I was deplaned to take the flight two days later. There was only one hang-up. My luggage could not be taken off the plane due to time constraints. Yes, I had no clothes. I did, fortunately have all my toiletries. I got all the details wrapped up, got ticketed for my 1st class flight, got my $500 travel voucher and was on my way. I immediately called Tim to pick me up which he was more than happy to do.

As I waited outside, I couldn’t help but be excited to see Tim again. It was another opportunity to see a guy I really wanted to see again. It was as if I was given another belated Christmas gift. Tim pulled up to the curb I put my carry-ons into the back seat and he gave me one of those huge bear hugs that just go straight to your heart. We kissed and drove off to go back to his place for a couple hours. As we were going back, I couldn’t help but think about my luggage. Hopefully, they will lock my bag up in Phoenix when it get’s there like they said they would. Having no clothes for two days is going to be interesting. Eh, it’s not like I needed clothes last night anyway….

The Day After

Cleveland, Ohio
Originally uploaded by EdnPHX.

Greeting from Cleveland, Ohio….yes, the dreary city on Lake Erie. Actually, my mom’s house is in a southeastern suburb of Cleveland, called Northfield Center. Eh, Cleveland, Northfield Center, it’s all the same: cold, dreary and depressing. It reminds me of why I moved to Phoenix.

Aside from the depressing weather, I have had a great time with that family and doing the holiday thing. Traffic out here has been absolutely insane. God love development. Since I’ve moved away, they have built so many strip malls and stores. From Target to Best Buy to everything you can think of. I remember when the surrounding area was nothing more than a two lane road and rolling hills. Now, it’s a commercialized mess with more traffic than you can imagine. The population here surges around the holidays with all the people coming back “home” from all over the country. Cleveland airport was absolutely a mad house of people and presents and crying babies. The flight out was uneventful, which is always a good thing.

Since, I’ve been out here I’ve been spending a lot of time with my buddy Tim. He’s an absolutely insanely wonderful guy. Remember when I blogged about how all the good ones live far away? Tim is one of these guys. I don’t think I could ask for a better Christmas gift…definitely makes the weather much more bearable. I hope to have him out to Phoenix soon. It’s going to be a depressing flight back.

Aside from a great Christmas with family and Tim, I got a nasty Christmas cold out here. So my mom, has been feeding me Antibiotics (sore throat), Advil, Sudafed and cough drops. I hate colds. It helps having a mom who works for the Cleveland Clinic. I also rather have a cold out here than in the beautiful weather in Phoenix. The only good thing about the cold is that it’s keeping me from totally pigging out on the huge amounts of bakery, Christmas cookies, poppy seed rolls, cheesecake, pineapple upside down cake, and more leftovers than you can shake a bat at. I am so doing South Beach Diet when I get back.

So, now my sister Anne and I are going to go hit the stores at the mall. How crazy are we? I hate going to the stores after Christmas, but it’s a holiday tradition. I think I’ll take another Sudafed to make it more bearable.

Wind in the Palm Trees

Antonio D'Acchille's Masterpiece
Originally uploaded by EdnPHX.

You ever have one of those days where you have enough time on your hands to really look back and reflect on a number of things? For most people, like myself, you don’t get these times often. It seems the world is just running about you at WARP 9 and time always slips away and everything is just so rushed. This morning, I woke up, poured a cup of coffee, and sat out on my patio. It was a gorgeous morning…low 60’s the sun was shining brightly in the morning sky, and there was this eerily calm in the air. The air was crisp from the overnight low temperature, and I could hear the church bells from St. Thomas Church in the distance. (They are praying for me, you know). So there I sat drinking my crème brule coffee just staring blankly at the Royal Palm trees across the street. I had a million things going through my head, all the while trying to digest each item in full detail and color. So here’s a selection of my morning reflections:

Brokeback Mountain: I didn’t cry. But the emotion inside me was there. It was an incredible movie that deserves all of the accolades it has received. The story was very tragic, but emotional and real. I won’t go into too much detail, to save the movie for those who haven’t seen it yet, but I will say it’s a moving love story that I and many people can relate to (Well, not everything, but many parts.). Unfortunately, I saw the movie in a packed, mostly gay crowd. Here’s my thing: going to see a movie with a bunch of queens is almost as bad as seeing a horror flick in inner city ghetto East Cleveland. (I love ghetto black women at a horror flick with comments like “Oh no she did-ent” “Watch out! He gonna get chu!” “Wooo gurl…dats just nasTAY!” ) I was totally annoyed at the queen behind me saying “Oh! Here they go…they're gonna do it! That is so hot!!!” And comments like “God, I want Jake’s ass!”. I turned around twice and shot an evil look, but it did nothing to deter the totally inappropriate comments coming from the sexually deprived queen behind me….and all about the theatre. So, now I’ll have to go see it again to really experience the movie with a mature audience. I mean come on…it’s a serious movie. I do, though highly recommend the movie.

Romance & there lack of it. : Why is romance an unrealistic concept in today’s world? Again, not to bitch, but it seems that the idea of romance is just dead. Sometimes I think I am old school on this topic, but this has really been getting to me lately. Maybe it’s the holidays, maybe not…but do people out there understand that life is more than expensive labels and a quick fuck? I mean, really, think about it. It’s a simple concept, just made complicated by your own perception and barriers. Live to Love, Love to Live. That’s my concept. But alas, finding people with less luggage that a 747 is hard to do. So I plod on….

Home: Just the other day, I came to the distinct realization that Phoenix is now my home. I’ve lived in the Valley now for 2 years and have successfully integrated in to the crazy culture out here. I love it here. Although Cleveland will always be where I am “from”, Phoenix is now my “home”.

Art: The picture on this post is Antonio D’Acchille’s “dalla Realtà al Mito”. This is one of my most favorite pieces of art. I have a small print of this framed in my apartment. This picture brings vivid imagination to me in many ways. It also reminds me of the gallery showing in Cleveland at Brenda Kroos Gallery and the massive amount of wine I drank in 1996. I tried to google the artist to see about purchasing some more art from him, but have been unsuccessful in finding him (Let alone everything is in Italian). What images and emotion do you see in this picture?

Personal Transformation: I have grown a lot in the past 8 months. A friend of mine that I have known for a very long time said to me: “It’s good to see the old Ed back…I though he was gone, but you’re back and better than ever before.” Now that I have moved on from my break-up and realized that I have a lot of living to do, I’ve noticed that I’ve gone through a personal transformation, not just physically but more so on the emotional and personal side. And it’s a good feeling. Although, I’ll never regret my past, it’s good to feel new again and experience life. I’ve seen many people go through personal transformations, but when it happens to you….it just hits you.

Las Noches de las Luminarias

Holidays at the Desert Botanical Garden
Originally uploaded by EdnPHX.

Last Night, I ventured to a Phoenix holiday tradition. The Desert Botanical Garden in Phoenix puts on the annual Las Noches de las Luminarias. Travis convinced me to go, as I was not in the holiday mood lately. I was quite impressed. The place was filled with thousand upon thousands of luminaries. (For you who don’t know, luminaries are those candle in paper bag thingy that line a sidewalk or walkway…a cheap, effective and festive way to light up an area to walk through.)

The night was filled with Holiday cheer and music by many different bands and artists. My favorite was the harp player, and the bell ringers. Very festive. We ate at the event where I had my first holiday tamales. Green Chile and Corn Tamales with a creamy spicy chile sauce. (Krist, you’d be impressed…they were damn good.) It was a great relaxing night. A glass of cabernet topped off the evening. Or more appropriately a plastic cup.

After the event, we decided to run out and continue our holiday cheer with some cocktails at the local bar Homme. It was dead, but the Bacardi Limon and diets were flowing very nicely. The bar was playing the new version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Have you ever seen that movie? Is that not the weirdest movie you have ever seen!!?? We couldn’t stop watching the movie. It’s like watching a train wreck or something. What made it even weirder was that the whole bar (all 5 people) were entranced with the movie. It was like a form of mind control or something. Or everybody was high.

Today I get to see Brokeback Mountain. Got my tickets for the 7:40pm show. I’m totally excited. The Arizona Republic gave the movie an excellent review. (Which is pretty good considering the AZ Republic tends to be on the conservative side.) So now I need to prepare for the movie. All the usual questions pop in my head….do I bring Kleenex? (Answer: Yes….but the travel size so your discreet enough, but yet not obvious) What do I wear? (Answer: NOT western wear…which I don’t have any anyways. That’d be really queer.) How early do I get there? (Answer: Early enough to get a good seat, obviously……oh jeez….I’m talking to myself again….) I’m sure the who’s who will be at the theatre. I could only find one theatre in Central Phoenix playing the show, which is right next to the Scottsdale Fashion Square Mall. Should be a great movie to see.

www.dbg.org

The Saga Continues

Happy Holidays from Bedford, Ohio.
Originally uploaded by EdnPHX.

Well, I’m on the plane back to Phoenix. The trip was a total waste of time. Well, not a total waste…..there were some very good highlights, but this trip was for the court case. The judge overturned the dismissal and threw the case back into litigation on request of Bank One/Chase. I AM FURIOUS. BUT…….the judge was quite helpful. The judge believed that I had enough evidence to file a counter claim against Bank One/Chase. So, she essentially left it open for 28 to 60 days to file a counterclaim, which would essentially take it out of her court into Common Pleas. The advantage of this would be that it could be tied up in Common Pleas for up to 5 years. Yes, you read correctly….FIVE FUCKING YEARS. I know that sounds like a lot of time, which it is, but there’s now an incentive for Bank One/Chase to withdraw the suit or spend GOBS and GOBS of money in legal fees (Well over the $3,900) over the course of the potential litigation. She requested that we either settle out of court, I file a counter claim, or they withdraw. After the hearing, the opposing attorney asked to speak with me to which I replied….”I want to settle, but I’m not paying anything near the $3,900 and if otherwise, I will file my counterclaim, where I am assured to win on my merits and evidence.” They said they will get back to me in the near future. So, I sorta have a huge wild card in my deck of tricks. We’ll see……I was just hoping to get this settled before the holidays……why not wait another couple weeks? So, the saga continues…..

I did have a great time seeing my family. I had an awesome night (the night I was there) in Bedford, Ohio where I had some great connection and conversation. Did you know Fed Ex has the second largest fleet of jet liners behind American Airlines? Huh,…learn something every day. Today before the airport I did some retail therapy with my sister Anne. She’s a blast to hangout with and we laughed and laughed our way all through Crocker Park, a new outdoor “lifestyle” shopping area on the West side of Cleveland. Which, of course, we got lost trying to get to because we’re East Side….and we didn’t have our passport or map to travel on that side of town. (It’s a Cleveland thing.)

This trip was almost like a preview to next week when I fly back for the holidays. Although the weather was insanely cold….it was 25 degrees as a high and cloudy…..I did get in the Christmas spirit a little bit. It’s hard not to when holiday tunes are playing snow is falling and your all bundled up in a thousand layers of clothes. (As some of you may know I definitely prefer to take clothes off than put them on.) I even helped decorate my mom’s 10 foot Christmas tree. Now I know why Hallmark stays in business. My mother buys ever single ornament they make. I suggested she Ebay some of the damn things and get some major cash for Christmas….and she just looked at me….like I was telling her to sell a child or something. Of course this time of year makes me quite emotional too….I tear up when I hear Faith Hill’s “Where Are You Christmas”….and even that damn Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas is You.” Augh, I feel like a big sissy.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get upgraded coming or going on this trip. No free drinks. BUMMER. But, I did get to see an annoying “Elite Member” bitch at the flight attendant about not getting upgraded to first class. People like that annoy me. He was a total asshole and actually was holding up the boarding process. I think the flight attendant peed in his drink. God, I hope so. Phoenix here I come……

(Brokeback Mountain in 2 days!!!!)

My Hell is Almost Over....

The Card of EVIL.
Originally uploaded by EdnPHX.

Disclaimer:
The intent of this post is to let everyone know my frustration. All information below is true to the best of my knowledge and is entirely my opinion. Names of individuals have been deleted to protect their identity. As always, you should make informed decisions on who you decide to receive financial services from. So here I go…..

FUCK Bank One/Chase. I have never met a more fucked up and vindictive organization in my life. As some of you may know, I am in the final stages of legal litigation with my prior employer. Yes, I used to work for Bank One (now known as Chase). I worked for Bank One for 2 long years, and did a very good job working in their Human Resources Department. In fact, I did my job so well, I received a huge promotion which moved me out to Phoenix from Cleveland. I really enjoyed my job. In fact, I loved it. That was until 6 weeks after I moved out to PHX. Around January 23rd, Bank One announced it was merging with J.P. Morgan Chase. This is when I found out that my job was being eliminated.

I was crushed. I had a great job, great career ahead of me in the company, and now it was being eliminated. So, I did what any other good employee would do…..keep doing my job until I found something that was worth my while in the new company. I worked for months, 6 months in fact, working without knowing if I had a job. So I worked those six months laying people off. My awesome job turned into the WORST job. All I did for those months was lay people off in very economically depressed areas like Milwaukee and New Orleans. It was extremely disheartening. I was, if you will, the hatchet man from Human Resources. All the while, trying to figure out what was going to happen with me. Finally, I got word that I was being slated into a job. The job they slated to me was a low level HR position. A job that I did not want and a job that I was put into without choice. Additionally, they were supposed to offer me a severance package, which they failed to do. I know this, because all I did for 6 months was deliver pink slips and severance packages to displaced employees. Anyway, it was a shitty deal that was handed to me and a deliberate career block by my co-worker and manager. So I worked a month in this position against my will (I needed a job), and then found a new job outside of the company (where I am now), at a great organization.

Anyway, end of story, right? Um, no. About 2 months after I left Bank One, I received a letter demanding that I repay $3,900 in relocation costs to Phoenix. I was floored. They eliminated my position! Additionally, they failed to offer me a severance package when I was entitled to it! And NOW they want a nominal amount back in relocation expenses? My anger started to bubble. So I responded to the letter as such:

November 12, 2004

XXXXXX
Relocation Counselor
J.P. Morgan Chase & Company
1111 Polaris Parkway
Columbus, Ohio 43240

Dear Ms. XXXX:

I am in receipt of your letter addressed to me dated October 21, 2004 and which was received on October 25, 2004. I am writing to inform you that based on your constructive termination of my employment and lack of good faith in your actions as my employer, I will not be paying the requested amount. Based on the Bank’s conduct, I am informed that I would not be held responsible for the alleged reimbursement under my employment contract and may have counterclaims in excess of the amount you have demanded.

The facts regarding Bank One’s failure to live up to its contractual obligations to me as an employee are summarized as follows. I received from Bank One an offer of promotion on November 20, 2003 to become a Sr. Human Resources Business Partner supporting the National Auto Finance Group based out of Phoenix, Arizona for Bank One Corporation. Based on this offer, the Bank offered me a relocation package. The package was always offered in connection with relocation to Phoenix for the express purpose of commencing a Sr. Human Resources Business Partner position. A material consideration in my acceptance of the offer was the promotion to a Vice President Level, Sr. Human Resources Position. This position was part of the Bank One Retail Lending organization.

Thereafter, the Bank failed to live up to its promises:.

1. Bank One Corporation announced that they were merging with J.P. Morgan Chase. My termination was over 2 months after the closing of the merger on July 1, 2004.
2. In February of 2004 I was told that I would have to re-interview for the position I moved across the nation to accept, a position supporting XXXX, Auto Finance Executive. I interviewed with XXXXXX, Sr. Human Resources Manager for J.P. Morgan Chase.
3. I was informed that the Bank unilaterally scaled back considerably my position in scope and responsibility. I previously supported 6 national groups for the Bank One Auto Finance Group. The new position would support only 1 of my original 6 groups.
4. I was misled to believe that I was, in fact, interviewing for this Sr. Human Resources Business Partner position. A conversation with XXXX, Bank One Sr. Human Resources Manager (My current supervisor at the time), disclosed that I was not being considered for his previous position, AFTER I interviewed with Mr.XXXXX. In fact, I was told that there could be no commitment to any position at that time.
5. My prior position was given to XXXXX, a Sr. Human Resources Business Partner, Vice President, who did not previously have responsibility to the Auto Finance Group. She previously had responsibility to the Default Management Group. She will be supporting XXXXX, Auto Finance Executive.
6. I was given a lesser position, in both scope and responsibility as a Human Resources Generalist, at a regional level.
7. This new position was a demotion, which made no sense in light of stellar performance reviews, as:
a. The position was not a Senior Level Human Resources Position
b. The position offered was not at a national level.
c. The position offered did not directly support a Sr. Executive Level Manager.
d. The position required that I report to a previously same level co-worker.
e. The position offered was approximately 2 levels lower that I previously held.
f. The position offered was not a Vice President level.
g. The position offered was approximately 1/4th the scope and responsibility of the position I was induced to move across the country to accept.
h. I was not offered a severance package in lieu of this position. Additionally, I worked months without knowing whether I would be offered a continuing or new position.

If you review my personnel file, you will find that throughout the last two years of employment, I performed all my duties and responsibilities well and to the expectation of my supervisors. I received an exceptional rating (“E” rating, the best an employee can receive) on my last performance review. The reward I received was to be lured to a new city across the country, then deprived of the career opportunity that the Bank promised me. Under these circumstances it is remarkable that the Bank would make demand for reimbursement of moving expenses. It is even more remarkable, given that I have personal knowledge of another employee for whom the Bank waived the relocation reimbursement provision, under far less egregious circumstances.

I will consider this matter concluded unless I hear from you further. In that regard, any further attempt to collect this alleged obligation will be handled by my lawyer.

Cordially,
Edward XXXX

So what was their response? A big ol’ lawsuit: filed in Ohio, none the less. (They had to make it more difficult for me by not filing in Arizona.) So I have been fighting this legal case for almost a year now. I’ve been representing myself, which has been a great learning experience. (Need any legal advice in Ohio? I can help ya…) Anyway, I’ve been bouncing back and forth with depositions, Motions to Compel Discoveries, Interrogatories, travel to Ohio, and certified mail like no tomorrow. It’s been extremely frustrating and honestly has been the source of most of my stress for the past 10 months. Now, let’s get something straight, I would of totally paid the bill if it was the right thing to do, but I am a person of integrity and character. It’s just not right to pay this when I was treated as such, and they broke the rules in the first place.

Finally, last month, the Magistrate in the case submits his decision to dismiss the case in my favor. (The Magistrate in Ohio submits the decision to the Judge and the Judge rules on the submission….99% of the time they rule for the Magistrate’s submission.) HOORAY!!!!!!! All is good with the world!!! And I can move on from this and live life again. Right? No. Bank One filed an Objection to the Decision to Dismiss. Fuckers. Now, I’m really pissed. (I mean come on…it’s fucking $3,900 dollars…to a trillion, yes, trillion dollar company….they probably have spent well over that in legal fees alone….I mean give it up guys!!!) So, now I have to fly to Ohio tomorrow, to stand in court and give my side to the case. I am flying to Cleveland for 25 fucking hours then heading back to Phoenix. Only to fly back 5 days later for the holidays. How fucked up is that? (yes, when I’m pissed I say “fuck” a lot). What really makes me mad about this is that I know my ex-coworker and ex boss is pushing this issue with the Courts. Why? Well, I know both people applied for my current position here at my new company. Yes, they are pissed because I got this job and they didn’t, leaving them with a crappy company named Chase. Augh. So how fucked up is that?

So, now here I sit thinking how messed up this all is, and how happy I will be when this is over. I know I am doing the right thing…I believe it in my heart and stand by my story. With that, I fly to Ohio tomorrow prepared to do battle in Court. I have good feelings going into it and a good attitude. Many people believe I should counter sue (which I could…with almost guaranteed success), but I’m not that type of person….I just want it to all go away. I’m just looking forward to the day I can take the judgment papers and send them off to Bank One and say “HA HA I WIN, FUCK YOU.” Keep me in your thoughts, and more light hearted funny posts coming soon….my christ it’s the holidays…always fun stuff to say about that.

Why I can’t see Brokeback Mountain

One hot movie cast...
Originally uploaded by EdnPHX.

God, I want to see this movie. Really bad. Why? Well, duh. Actually, after seeing the trailer, reading the bazillion reviews, and the beautifully done photographs (Not to mention hottie Heath Ledger…ok…Jake is cute too.) I can’t help but want to see this movie and the story that goes along with it. I just ordered “ Close Range: Wyoming Stories” by Annie Proulx to ready the original short story “Brokeback Mountain” to see if the adaptation to the film is as good as they say it is. I’m really, really excited to see this movie, as it’s a groundbreaking film.

But, unfortunately, there’s a big problem. It’s not showing here in Phoenix until December 16th. You figure with Phoenix being the 5th largest city in the country by population, they would release it here during the “premier” release weekend. New York, Los Angeles, and San Francisco all got it for today…..but no Phoenix. My Luck. So, for the next week I’m sure I’ll be hearing how good the movie is from my friends in those “premier” cities. Yes, I’m jealous.

So I spend a good portion of the day trying to figure out where and when Brokeback Mountain will be playing in PHX. You figure this would be an easy google search, but unfortunately it’s not that easy. I’ve tried movie phone, harkinstheatres.com, and even Citysearch…..with no luck. I feel like “the man” is working against me on this one. (And all I want is to see a little man-on-man love story…what’s up with that? Man.) Oh yes, and god help you if you want to know what is playing a week ahead at the theatre. You can put in the date on most websites, but they are incomplete. Don’t these places know what they are playing next week? Augh…it’s frustrating.

So finally, I called the local AMC theatre by me to see if they had a clue on when they would be showing Brokeback Mountain. So I called the line and got the usual VRU (voice recognition unit) with menus and menus and menus. I tried my best at the button pushing and got nothing for Brokeback Mountain. So I did what any other normal intelligent person would do: Hit zero about 30 times until someone says “hello”. Here’s my conversation:

Me: (In a very masculine voice) “Ah yea, I was wondering when you’ll be showing Brokeback Mountain?”

AMC Employee: (Hick Texan accent) “Um…let me see…what’s it’s called? Boreback?”

Me: “No, BROKEback Mountain….it’s supposed to be released on the 16th”

AMC Employee: “Hmmm…never heard of it. (Shouts off the phone to another worker) Hey Sheila, you know when we getting Brokeback Mountain? Ever hear of it?”

Shelia: “Oh yea that GAY cowboy movie…we’re getting it I think next week!”

Long pause………………..

AMC Employee: “Um Sir, we should have that next week…check back later. Thank you for calling AMC theatres” (click)

Well……..guess that answers that. Either case, I have to wait until next week. I can just see Sheila from AMC making some “fairy reference” in the background. (Eh, not to worry, I fucked her boyfriend a couple nights ago…….….ah…I say that out of anger….or am I?) Anyway, so this is why I cannot see Brokeback Mountain. But in the meantime, my Amazon.com order should be coming next week with the book. So, I can read the story before I go see the movie. Books are usually better than the movie….but this movie has Heath Ledger in it…..I vote for the movie…and I haven’t even seen it yet.

3:34pm: A Slow Day At Work.

If these Butts could talk.....
Originally uploaded by EdnPHX.

“Time goes by, so slowly. Time goes by, so slowly.” You ever have one of those slow days at work, where it’s so slow that you actually get pissed if the phone rings? I mean, god help you if you actually want me to do my job. Actually, it is a slow day here at the office. We have our “Holiday Luncheon” today. Boston Market is catering. Our company usually does a fancy schmancy dinner-event off site, but this year we have to cut expenses…hence, we now have turkey slices and mash potatoes on paper plates. Festive. They even have cranberry sauce….which is just downright nasty. Honestly I hate these holiday functions. I never have a good time, and all the fun happens when there is alcohol around…and well, that was cut too. Bummer. They did have door prizes, though. Unfortunately I didn’t win the $5 gift certificate to Safeway or the $25 gift certificate to Red Lobster. (Do people even still go there?) So to kill the boredom, I decided to book my next vacation to Puerto Vallarta.

Ah, yes, Puerto Vallarta. Going in February. Booked 4 nights at the Hotel Mercurio and got a great deal on airfare on America West/US Air. Just a nice long weekend down in Mexico. I’ve never been, but my friends tell me it’s a great place to visit and have some fun. Paul from San Francisco and Chris from Phoenix are both going to go. So I figure it will be a fun time to let the hair down and kick it with some hot guys in square-cuts. I’m locked and loaded…..ready to go.

Yes, it’s slow here at work. Do you smoke? I don’t. I think it’s a nasty habit. But, I’m coming to realize that there are some interesting benefits to the activity. So, here’s the deal: My office has a window. (Yes, I know….sounds glamorous, but it’s not all that.) My window is right next to the ashtray outside at the building exterior wall. The building has mirrored windows. Put all that together and you have wonderful entertainment throughout the day. So, I’m coming to realize that smokers have it good. Most smokers spend at least 30 minutes to an hour a day smoking and not doing their job. And on top of that, they gossip like no tomorrow. Fortunately, windows are not soundproof. I’ve heard some great conversations, and seen some really nasty stuff. It never fails that some overweight smoker will fix their makeup or clean their teeth right in my window. Augh. Nasty. I’ve had a guy adjust his manhood. I’ve seen some lady pick her nose. And I even had a guy lean and squash his but up against my window while he tied his shoe. (Although, that is ok, cause he had a hot ass.) What gets me is that these people HAVE to know that the HR guy’s office is on the other side of the window. Yet, this doesn’t stop them. Here’s a couple of things I overheard the smokers gossiping about:

(On a cell phone) “Well, FUCK YOU TOO you skanky hoe. You’re the fucking cheat! I better not see your slutty ass when I get home!” (Obviously, talking to his mother.)

(To another smoker) “I hate this job. I can’t believe I slept with my boss….god, he was so good though….he had the biggest dick.” (Hmmm…who’s this manager???)

“You know HR is on the other side of this window” “Yea, but they can’t hear anything, these windows are solid, and they can’t hear nuthin.” (That’s right…keep thinking that.)

“I have the shits….god I’ve been going to the bathroom like a billion times today” (She says this while she’s leaning on the window…augh.)

Anyway, smokers have it down. They definitely take advantage of the time, as well, as keep me entertained. I think one of these days I’ll start pounding on the window and freak them out. “Time goes by, so slowly. Time goes by, so slowly”.

Kickin’ it in El Paso

Cervezas in Juarez, Mexico
Originally uploaded by EdnPHX.

Muy Bulto! I had a great time this past weekend with a great group of friends. You ever take one of those trips where you just genuinely had a great time and things just went so well that you’ll never forget it? Well I had one of those trips. My travel companions Bill and Rick are incredible to go on trips with….you always have a fun time and the conversations are hilarious. Add my friend Josh in the mix and you’ve got a recipe for a crazy fun time. I have to admit; I didn’t think I would really care for El Paso considering my idea of Texas prior was Houston and Ft. Worth. But, this trip really was a great time. Josh who we visited was an absolute fantastic host and really gave us a great tour of the city of El Paso and the Mexican border town of Juarez.

The highlight of the trip for me was all of us walking over the Mexican/US border to the town of Juarez, Mexico. I had no idea how big Juarez was…we’re talking millions of people living in Juarez, which I believe is the largest border town on the US and Mexico border. We had a great time soaking in the culture and shopping the many deals to be found. We ended our day trip with a couple of cervezas, which was cheaper than dirt. Beer never tasted so good. I even learned a couple phrases in Spanish from my travel buddies…..I started the post with a slang phrase…..know what it means? (I’ll give you a hint…something I look for in a guy…) Both evenings we ended up at Briar Patch and San Antonio Mining Company two gay bars in town. Definitely had a number of friendly hot guys including our favorite Raphael, who had stunning eyes and a body to die for. If only his boyfriend wasn’t there….sigh. Of course there would be one hell of a catfight between all of us on this hottie if he wasn’t. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.

We ended our trips with brunch in La Mesilla, New Mexico, which is right outside Las Cruces, NM. We had a great brunch at a restaurant called the Golden Eagle, which sounds like a leather bar, but is actually a historical landmark in conjunction with the Gadsden Purchase. The small town had a quaint town square with some touristy shopping places surrounding it. I would say the town should be known for the incredibly hot wait staff at the Golden Eagle…definitely gives new meaning to a “hot meal”. The flight back to Phoenix was uneventful, but nice as we all got upgraded to 1st Class and topped the trip off with a cocktail. Overall, a fun time and I look forward to future adventures with Bill, Rick and Josh……Puerto Vallarta anyone?

Out by the Trailer

O' Christmas Tree
Originally uploaded by EdnPHX.

Trailers, got to love em’. YEE-HAW! I’ve had a crazy red-neck, trailer, Walmart kinda week. Any let me tell ya’ll, it ain’t fun lookin’ for dat dem der Christmas tree. Yes, I am currently in a search for an artificial Christmas tree. I usually get a fresh cut tree, but since I live alone and I am traveling over the holidays, I thought it would be better to get an artificial one. I have this insane nightmare of coming home from Cleveland after the holidays only to find my place burnt down because of a dry tree and some faulty mini lights. So it’s time to get the fire retardant artificial tree to ease those fears. So, I began my search. I ended up at (gasp) Walmart. And here’s what happened.

I hate Walmart. No, really I do. The Super Walmart by me is also known as “Little Guadalajara”. It’s an absolutely crazy place with Mexicans running all over the place, insane children, crying babies, loud speaker announcements in 2 languages, and chickens running across the floor everywhere. (Well, actually the chickens are an exaggeration, but they would totally fit in with the ambiance.) Anyway, I go over to the garden department to see the selection of trees. I couldn’t find them anywhere. Were they hiding them from me as some cruel joke? I wondered. So, I asked the blue-haired senior lady at the garden register and she said: “Oh ya’ll need to check for dem out by the trailer!” Pause. Was this for real? “Walmart” and “trailer” in the same sentence? No it couldn’t be! But, yet it was. So I went out back “by the trailer” and sure enough there was a winter wonderland of real and artificial Christmas trees. I get outside and the trailer had a sign that said “Ho Ho Ho” on it and had mini lights all over the place. To add to the holiday spirit, they were playing Garth Brooks twangy Christmas tunes out of a portable boom box. (I personally thought it should have been Feliz Navidad, but Walmart must think there are no such things as Latinos and that everybody loves country music. By the way, you can own Garth Brooks new CD for only 12.99, available exclusively only at Walmart…yadda yadda yadda..) So I looked around and came across a couple artificial beauties. Pre-lit with either multi-color lights or white lights. I was looking for something more classic like white lights, but then I though: “I’m at Walmart…classy is just not in its vocabulary.” So I inquired about a 7.5 foot pre-lit Douglite fur. (Which was Walmart’s clever way of saying artificial DOUGLAS fur.) So the trailer attendant came out and asked if I needed help. (I was at Walmart….that is a weighted question to say the least…) I asked about the tree in front of me and he replied (and I kid you not): “Oh that one’s a beauty…do you want me to cut the bottom up for your tree stand?” Um….it’s an artificial tree. At that point, I politely excused myself and decided that I had enough idiotic people for the day……Target never looked so good. On the way home I imagined this guy trying to cut the bottom branches off an artificial tree, plugged in no less. I see sparks everywhere and the emergency room doctors laughing their asses off.

So now, I am getting ready for my trip to El Paso, Texas. WEE-HOO! I’m going with a couple of my friends from PHX to visit my friend Josh, who I have known for many, many years. We both grew up in Northeast Ohio, and he moved out to El Paso a number of years ago. I’ve never been, but I’m sure after a couple of drinks it will be a fabulous place. I honestly have to say, I hate Texas. I’ve been to most major cities in Texas, and never liked any of them. Although, there are some way hot guys in that state. Who knows, maybe I’ll be swept off my feet by a hunky cowboy. Speaking of which, I’m looking forward to the upcoming movie Brokeback Mountain. So maybe this trip will get me in the mood for some country music and cowboy boots. I think as long as we stay away from the local Walmarts, it’ll be a great trip. Hell, I even got upgraded to first class on the flight out there…a good sign indeed.